The Shingles Cover-Up

The Shingles Cover-Up

I got a very gross case of shingles last week… quite dramatic! We don’t wish this on a dog or any other sentient being. And yet, the upside has been so dramatic that it actually dwarfs the shingles. After all, the shingles will be gone in a week or ten days, the insights and accommodations of consciousness will last for all eternity.

The shingles came on last week during a particularly stressful day at the bank. I was trying to solve a time sensitive problem, and my computer system just Would Not Cooperate! I remember feeling bursts of anger and clicking, clicking, clicking with my left hand on the mouse trying to get the damn computer to do what I wanted. But it wouldn’t…

The crazy computer just keep refreshing the screen, with all the associated delays and sequences, again and again, and ultimately refused to relinquish control. [This crisis was eventually resolved and the document was published on schedule, so the prospects of the desk-top publishing team were not compromised.] But I took a lot of tension into that arm…

After two or three days of weird electrical sensations in this arm, a rash developed that has turned, over the last few days, into a really nasty mass of painful, oozing, blistering and angry-looking, blotchy, red welts. [OK, babe, let’s not focus quite so much on what we don’t want... as Abe says, never mind the physical evidence!]

This outbreak caused me to miss a Kris Radio show for the first time ever, and Serge called me the next morning to say that Alan suggested that it might be related to anger. I told Serge I had been aware of anger underneath this for some time.

I had done a quick version of EFT the other day without much impact, but today I searched the EFT website for ‘shingles’ and read a very helpful piece by someone who said they felt trapped, and related that metaphorically to the virus being trapped in the nerve, and the fluids being trapped in the skin and the lymph nodes.

So I did EFT just now with the setup phrase…

Oh wait! I should add something here. I followed up with Alan and he suggested I investigate a 16-year-old aspect with a feeling of bitterness. I thought back to when I was 16 which would have been grade 10 or 11 in high school, and realized that this was when I had started to deal emotionally and socially with the fact that I was gay. Not such a great thing to discover about yourself in small-town Ontario in the sixties.

My strategy was threefold. One, I put myself on crash course in Freudian psychology to understand and solve the problem. Two, I put on about 40 lbs to keep myself out of the running, as it were. And three, I locked my gay self securely into the closet, regarding interactions with other people, and threw away the key. This was to be our secret!

As I look back on that me, I felt genuine and justifiable bitterness. I looked at my friends and realized that I was different, unacceptable, probably even repulsive if they ever knew! I knew I had to deeply suppress this part of myself in order to survive – socially, emotionally, and psychologically.

It stands to reason that I left behind a 16-year-old aspect who is very, very bitter and angry about being cut out of the picture. And for what? For being a beautiful young man discovering perfectly normal sexual feelings, and, wanting to express them!

So anyway back to the EFT. I did a session this morning with the set-up phrase “Even though I am angry and bitter about the shingles on my left arm… I deeply and completely accept myself.” As I went through this familiar process, I sensed a feeling rising in me. This reminds me of what Robert Doyle called an abreaction in my hypnosis course. This is an emotional feeling that is very deep and strong and seemingly has a mind of it’s own.

Fishing around inside to try to coax this feeling up to the surface, I tried different wordings of the setup statement eventually hitting the mark with, “Even though I am angry and bitter about my life… about lost opportunities… I totally and completely accept myself.” This worked brilliantly. The feeling rose to the surface, and it was with real anger and bitterness, and with hot tears rolling down my cheeks, that I completed the rest of the EFT protocol.

There has been a complete change in my mood since doing this and I realized I wanted to write about it. I think I’m on to something big here. Of course that dear, darling 16-year-old, who we ‘kicked to the curb’ in high school needs to be brought back into the family, with full recognition of the appropriateness of the anger and bitterness being expressed.

[I wonder how many other Johnny’s are waiting out there along the endless roadside of my past, each abandoned for very good reasons at the time, and each relentlessly campaigning for an opening to come back into the whole of me. I wish I could welcome them all back at once... but that might overwhelm all of us together!]

And you know what? I’m sitting here feeling the pain in my arm, my eyes still damp, strong emotions are still welling up and swirling around inside me… Meanwhile with a misty, compassionate eyes I see across half a century and welcome home ‘Gay Young Johnny’, kicked off the bus so long ago, but greeted now as an aspect with much to offer.

So the plan is to start a rehabilitation program to bring ‘Young Gay Johnny’ back into the family, so to speak. [I am reminded of the story of the prodigal son, but in this case is was the father who kicked the son out, so it's really the prodigal father.] As a first step, I am going to find a picture of myself at that time, to get a clear visual, and maybe go back into the archives. Find some writing or drawings from that time, try to get closer to this young fellow. Actually I’m already feeling pretty good about the prospects of our new life together.

Whatever I might have to offer him is more than matched by what HE has to offer me! Serge joked that I am like a sugar daddy to this young gay aspect, enticing him to ‘come out and play’ in the real world. I like it!

- – - – -

Follow-up Article: Eventually I found a great homeopathic remedy for my shingles… details here.

Tags: 1 - Commentary, 4 - Kris Radio, Canada, EFT protocol, eh!, Gay Young, hypnosis, Ontario, Robert Doyle, shingles
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