Reconciling Different Aspects of Our Selves

My favorite story about aspects will probably ring bells for just about everybody. When I get up in the morning and go through my morning rituals of breaking my fast, exercising and getting cleaned up, there is a particular aspect of my personality who is ‘in charge’. While I am bouncing on my mini-trampoline I might think about what I’m going to have for dinner that evening. A nice big salad with lots of different veggies and a crisp vinaigrette sounds good.

As the busy day goes by a million things happen and my thoughts, moods and inner dialog go through many, many other states (every one of which is an aspect btw). Most of these aspects are more or less congruent with my overall intentions so they emerge and recede without much fanfare. It is only when aspects are in conflict that we notice them. What really highlights the different aspects in my life is the ‘me’ who emerges about 8 o’clock in the evening and starts thinking about dinner.

This me is tired and hungry and feels like he’s worked hard and deserves a break. He may even feel a little frazzled and put-upon and in need of a treat. How this guy thinks about dinner is completely different than the guy on the trampoline in the freshness of the morning. This guy is thinking about fried chicken or pizza and maybe a stiff drink!

What many people have had a hard time with is reconciling these two aspects. How can one and the same person have two such different perspectives? The answer is that another aspect is ‘in charge’ at 8 o’clock in the evening, with very different values, priorities and beliefs.

The trick Kris has taught us is to understand that we are a nation of aspects and this is perfectly normal and natural. Our job, if we want to be more congruent, widen our awareness of ourselves, and liberate more of our potential, is to accept both these guys as legitimate aspects of our whole self and honor their intentions. (The morning aspect wants us to be healthy. This is good! The evening aspect wants to reward and sooth us. This is good too!)

Basically what we do is introduce these two aspects to each other, identify their core values and intentions, and negotiate some compromises that fulfill everybody’s values, perhaps with slightly different choices and behavior.

For instance the guy in the morning fantasizing about salad, could add some cheesy bread sticks to round out the menu. And the guy at night could order a vegetarian pizza with a side salad and settle for a beer.

This way each aspect expands his options by making allowances for the worthy goals of the other aspect, and Johnny (the conscious self who is surfing these waves of aspects as the ego construction), is able to smooth his ride a little bit and steer the whole apparatus more easily towards his goals.

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